My Epitaph Collection, Compiled

I am a casual collector of potential epitaphs.  In the early days of my blog I posted each of the candidates separately. I’ve had a request to compile them, so here they all are.

This one happened by me during an email exchange at work. The original comment referred to a scientific paper. Way too good to waste there:

Not without a few errors, but provocative nonetheless.

I can see having this on my headstone (Except that I won’t have a headstone.):

Wait! I’m not done yet!

On my optimistic days, this is the epitaph I favor:

The adventure continues…

For the last word in petty revenge:

Not even the dog will miss him.

Yup, sounds familiar:

Lived at the corner of Skepticism and Rebellion.

Death comes to all of us and yet:

They told me to expect the unexpected but here I am.

No more fooling around:

Next time I come back as a cat.

This offhand comment from a biologist deserves immortality:

She wondered about genetic drift.

Or maybe the reverse is more meaningful:

He never wondered about genetic drift.

I know, right?:

Damn, just when I was getting the hang of it.

Although debate with the universe is not recommended:

But –

You know who you are:

Death. The last word in writer’s block.

A final disclaimer:

It wasn’t always like this for me.

Disgruntled past the end:

Was that all there was?

An epitaph for my cat Boink:

Peace, love, and asparagus.

Strolling down the lane with the Buddha:

Once a life, always alive.

Epitaph for a joke-teller:

Three worms walk into a bar…

Ouch. Description of a graveyard with headstones from William Faulkner’s only mystery novel, Intruder in the Dust:

…carved mottoless with simple names and dates as though there had been nothing even their mourners remembered of them than that they had lived and they had died…

Unforgettable Lines

In yesterday’s post, I noted that I can never remember a joke’s punch line. That got me thinking about  lines that perpetually run through my head. Here are just a few. How many of these do you recognize? (answers on page 2.)

  1. I didn’t get the money, and I didn’t get the woman.
  2. I’m a stranger here myself.
  3. I can’t help it if I’m lucky.
  4. I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.
  5. Is there anything you have forgotten to tell me?
  6. To be lonely is a habit, like smoking or taking drugs.
  7. You can lead a horse to water but only very rarely can you drown him and get away with it.

My Top Ten Risks (Whfff! Crash! Boom!)

Pavlof Volcano, Alaska, 2013

You see the plume and … do you run toward it or away?

I’ve got a whole list of risks I might take if only I get the nerve or suffer the judgment lapse. In decreasing order of sanity, they are:

  1. get a puppy (training a puppy sounds so unpleasant);
  2. write a novel and publish each chapter on the fly as serial fiction with no future writing in reserve (what if I hit a block? what if yesterday’s chapter was crap?);
  3. form a rock band and perform (what if no one attends the show? what if they do?);
  4. host a live talk show (what if I lose my glib?);
  5. take up surfing (risk of embarrassment is higher than physical risk, given zero chance of my standing to ride a wave);
  6. meet my heroes (what if they don’t deserve that status?);
  7. retire before I’ve got enough income (I don’t need to explain this one, do I?);
  8. sky dive (I be afeared of heights);
  9. become a tornado chaser (what if I drop my camera and miss that great shot of the looming tornado?);
  10. become a volcano chaser (when an eruption is eminent – the mountains themselves are not a challenge to catch);

I note that 8, 9, 10 may alleviate some of the risk in 7.

(This post responds to today’s Daily Prompt  which asks: what’s the biggest risk you’d like to take…and what would have to happen to get you to take it?)