My Epitaph Collection, Compiled

I am a casual collector of potential epitaphs.  In the early days of my blog I posted each of the candidates separately. I’ve had a request to compile them, so here they all are.

This one happened by me during an email exchange at work. The original comment referred to a scientific paper. Way too good to waste there:

Not without a few errors, but provocative nonetheless.

I can see having this on my headstone (Except that I won’t have a headstone.):

Wait! I’m not done yet!

On my optimistic days, this is the epitaph I favor:

The adventure continues…

For the last word in petty revenge:

Not even the dog will miss him.

Yup, sounds familiar:

Lived at the corner of Skepticism and Rebellion.

Death comes to all of us and yet:

They told me to expect the unexpected but here I am.

No more fooling around:

Next time I come back as a cat.

This offhand comment from a biologist deserves immortality:

She wondered about genetic drift.

Or maybe the reverse is more meaningful:

He never wondered about genetic drift.

I know, right?:

Damn, just when I was getting the hang of it.

Although debate with the universe is not recommended:

But –

You know who you are:

Death. The last word in writer’s block.

A final disclaimer:

It wasn’t always like this for me.

Disgruntled past the end:

Was that all there was?

An epitaph for my cat Boink:

Peace, love, and asparagus.

Strolling down the lane with the Buddha:

Once a life, always alive.

Epitaph for a joke-teller:

Three worms walk into a bar…

Ouch. Description of a graveyard with headstones from William Faulkner’s only mystery novel, Intruder in the Dust:

…carved mottoless with simple names and dates as though there had been nothing even their mourners remembered of them than that they had lived and they had died…


5 thoughts on “My Epitaph Collection, Compiled

  1. Faulkner gets me every time.


  2. I really, really like a lot of those. Mine might read : Notorious for not finishing a

    Also, I think this could be quite marketable. If you were to buy a plot of land, designated as your own, Clever Cemetery, people would be “dying to get in there!” (harhar)
    The headstones would be strictly Unique Epitaph Only. Families would choose from some of your creations or write one of their own. Admission would be charged for tourists! Folks would come from all over the world to read headstones!!

    I might be getting carried away…


    • Yes! This could be better than Cadillac Ranch as a roadside attraction. Given the price of land we will need to purchase somewhere a titch off the beaten path. North Dakota, maybe, except the limited planting season might thwart profits.
      As you can see, I am assuming you will want to join me in this niche business.


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