Death. The last word in writer’s block.
musings
Fear of Blogging, part IV
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my blog, 1 year hence.
I Have Always Depended on the Approval of Strangers
Over the years I have become tolerant of many of my flaws, with at least one exception. I hate how much the esteem of others matters to me. I wish I didn’t care what people think of me. Intellectually, I can decree I don’t give a **** – I’ve had decades of experience paying lip service to that – but again and again it is obvious that I do care; in fact, I give several ****s.
The worst is when I need to justify myself to strangers. For example, if I change lanes on the freeway, I like to show the choice was rational and my driving is reproach free by, say, exiting at the next offramp. Why do I think anyone is paying attention? What is my problem? I have never figured out how to break past this. Maybe I need to force myself to change lanes randomly and repeatedly and get so used to living with the shame that it no longer matters.
My Aging Lavender
As lavender bushes get older, they get leggy, a quality that is desirable in supermodels but not in plants. The plants get woody, also. Woody and leggy are roughly the same idea: most of each branch or stalk loses its leaves and blooms, and grows naked and gnarled. The branch is not dead – there is still life at the top, as lovely and fragrant as ever. The onset of this condition can be delayed with the right care and grooming but it cannot be prevented.
Many a gardener removes a plant when it gets like this and I considered doing so yesterday. The aged lavender is right at the start of my front walkway – who wants to see a long-in-the-tooth mass of twisted branches? But I couldn’t bring myself to chop. After all, there is all that fresh growth at the end of each branch. And as I pruned away the dead stuff, I grew fond of the intricate twists of naked branches. Finding the right spot to clip, to extricate a dead branch from among the still living ones, was as satisfying as solving a complicated puzzle.
I now see those gnarled and interwoven branches as beautiful, also, in a very different way than the dusky leaves or their enveloping fragrance. The flowers are gorgeous but the twisted bare branches tell so much about how the lavender has grown and changed through its life. I hope I get many more years with this plant!
Decode This Graffiti and Win a Prize!
Prize Disclosure Statement: What you win is my appreciation.
Carved into the sink at a Santa Barbara cafe is a message that may be important:
Evade FTS
Evade … … …?
- Federal Trade Surplus?
- First Time Surgeons?
- Full Tilt Spiraling?
or maybe the message is
Evade F+S
Evade … and … ?
- Fries and Soda?
- Friends and Supplicants?
- Fun and Stupidity?
Uh oh. Maybe the message is
Evade F+5
Evade … and 5 ?
I got nothing for that one.
My Epitaph Collection (vol. 10)
Although debate with the universe is not recommended…
But –
It Was a Dark and Stormy Night
It was a dark and stormy night. I understand this is considered a writing nadir but actually I think it makes a pretty good opening line, irregardless of what the naysayers say about it.
P.S. I am also rooting for Pluto to regain status as a planet.
My Epitaph Collection (vol. 9)
Damn, just when I was getting the hang of it.
“Never Pass Up the Unrepeatable Experience”
This is something a friend of a friend once said. Every time I recall it, I think these are words to live by. Then I forget about it again.
I remembered it tonight, half way through one of the best concerts I have ever attended (and that is saying something). Live music is always an unrepeatable experience. Tonight was the Punch Brothers. Even if music reviews were my thing, I wouldn’t know how to describe them. Alt-punk-bluegrass. Brilliant musicians who play with virtuosity, wit, and occasional sarcasm. Such a great band. This was my fourth time seeing them. I hope for 100 more. We bought the tickets months ago and had fantastic seats…
…but come concert time, we had to take one of our cats to the emergency clinic and we were still at the clinic when the opening act took the stage. Pessimistic, son tried to sell our tix on Craig’s List. Fortunately, there were no buyers. We got to the concert late but still got to enjoy more than 1.5 hours of it and I cannot believe that I considered giving up and staying home. Don’t give up and stay home. This is a lesson that I have to keep re-learning. (Wonder why that is?)
Never pass up the unrepeatable experience. I’m thinking that life counts as one.
My Ultimate Goal as a Writer
I want to write a novel that makes people feel the way my favorite songs make me feel.
