The last few weeks, I have struggled to put two thoughts together, and this turns out to be a good thing. At first I thought it was a new stage of PTSD, my unfolding reaction to the fact that Someone I Love Dearly (SILD) is a heroin addict (today more than 2 months sober). Now I see this is part of my own process of healing and recovery.
My thoughts are very foggy and disconnected at the surface, but down below the thinking must continue. I can still hold a conversation – although if it is a work conversation that yields to do items, I had better jot them down when first discussed or they won’t leave the room with me. More importantly, I have written quite a bit on my new novel and it is really good stuff.
The fog disturbed me mightily at first, but more and more I see it as a protective cushion. My longstanding tendencies to brood and anticipate are not functioning well now – and I don’t miss them at all. I’ve got a lot of stress at work right now and when I start worrying I find myself trying to pull the fog closer and thicker.
Perhaps this is how I will back into mindfulness and an ability to be fully present – by thickening the fog. Not thinking is really peaceful. I recommend it.
I agree that there is peace and comfort in thoughtlessness, but I also know that for me, it’s not such a good thing. What are those birds that bury their heads in the sand? I shut my mind down so that I can find the bliss of ignorance, which is rarely a recommended course of action when it comes to, well, most things. Head burying doesn’t make me productive, usually. I get that you aren’t doing that, though. You’re confronting things without even letting sand get in your ears, much less filling your eyes and mind. You deserve a little mind-fog to escape into every once in a while.
Great to see that your novel is coming along!
Well, this gave me pause, because I have always agreed that ignorance is not bliss. Now I either think two opposed things (it wouldn’t be the first time) or there is a fine line distinction I may not entirely see.
What I am learning (or getting indoctrinated to believe) is that ignorance is just fine when the knowledge has to do with someone else’s life, which you cannot change or control.